What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine's Day?
A hug and a quiche
-2009 Page-A-Day Calendar
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
Max at the therapist's
Max: Doc, sometimes I think I'm Mickey Mouse; other times I think I'm Donald Duck; and at still other times, I think I'm the entire cast of High School Musical!
Therapist: How long have you been having these Disney spells?
-2009 Page a Day calendar
Therapist: How long have you been having these Disney spells?
-2009 Page a Day calendar
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Joke
Herb: I hate to brag, but Little Billy was a musical prodigy.
Monty: How so?
Herb: At five, he wrote an opera; at six, he wrote a symphony; and at seven, he wrote a duet for piano and violin.
Monty: Wow! What happened at eight?
Herb: At eight, breakfast was on the table and it was time to get ready for school.
-2009 Page a Day calendar
Monty: How so?
Herb: At five, he wrote an opera; at six, he wrote a symphony; and at seven, he wrote a duet for piano and violin.
Monty: Wow! What happened at eight?
Herb: At eight, breakfast was on the table and it was time to get ready for school.
-2009 Page a Day calendar
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
The Three Little Pigs
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order. "I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy."I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.
The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner. "I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy. "I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert. "I want a banana split," said the first piggy. "I want a cheesecake," said the second piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," exclaimed the third little piggy. "Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggy," But why have you only ordered beer all evening?"
You're gonna LOVE me for this....
The third piggy says - "Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!
Thanks to my grandma for sending me this forward
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.
The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner. "I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy. "I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert. "I want a banana split," said the first piggy. "I want a cheesecake," said the second piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," exclaimed the third little piggy. "Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggy," But why have you only ordered beer all evening?"
You're gonna LOVE me for this....
The third piggy says - "Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!
Thanks to my grandma for sending me this forward
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Hockey Fans
Four hockey fans are mountain climbing. Each climber happens to b e a rabid fan of a different NHL team. As they climb higher and higher. they argue more and more about which of them is the most loyal to their particular team.
Finally, as they reach the summit, the climber from Vancouver takes a running leap and throws himself off the mountain, yelling, "this is for the Vancouver Canucks!"
Not wanting to be outdone, the climber from Calgary throws himself off the mountain shouting, "this is for the Calgary Flames!"......
Seeing this, the Toronto climber walks to the edge of the cliff and yells, "this is for the Toronto Maple Leafs!", and pushes the guy from Ottawa off the cliff.
Finally, as they reach the summit, the climber from Vancouver takes a running leap and throws himself off the mountain, yelling, "this is for the Vancouver Canucks!"
Not wanting to be outdone, the climber from Calgary throws himself off the mountain shouting, "this is for the Calgary Flames!"......
Seeing this, the Toronto climber walks to the edge of the cliff and yells, "this is for the Toronto Maple Leafs!", and pushes the guy from Ottawa off the cliff.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks . Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to Espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "For smuggling diamonds".
7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy".
8. Don't use any punctuation.
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "To Go".
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital, and ask why the poems don't rhyme?
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.
17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won!"
18. When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives! They're loose!"
19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
20. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity . Send this E-mail to someone to make them smile. It 's called ... therapy.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks . Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to Espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "For smuggling diamonds".
7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy".
8. Don't use any punctuation.
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "To Go".
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital, and ask why the poems don't rhyme?
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.
17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won!"
18. When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives! They're loose!"
19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
20. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity . Send this E-mail to someone to make them smile. It 's called ... therapy.
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