The Three Little Pigs

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order. "I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy."I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner. "I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy. "I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert. "I want a banana split," said the first piggy. "I want a cheesecake," said the second piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," exclaimed the third little piggy. "Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggy," But why have you only ordered beer all evening?"

You're gonna LOVE me for this....

The third piggy says - "Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!



Thanks to my grandma for sending me this forward

Hockey Fans

Four hockey fans are mountain climbing. Each climber happens to b e a rabid fan of a different NHL team. As they climb higher and higher. they argue more and more about which of them is the most loyal to their particular team.

Finally, as they reach the summit, the climber from Vancouver takes a running leap and throws himself off the mountain, yelling, "this is for the Vancouver Canucks!"

Not wanting to be outdone, the climber from Calgary throws himself off the mountain shouting, "this is for the Calgary Flames!"......

Seeing this, the Toronto climber walks to the edge of the cliff and yells, "this is for the Toronto Maple Leafs!", and pushes the guy from Ottawa off the cliff.

20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks . Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to Espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "For smuggling diamonds".
7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy".
8. Don't use any punctuation.
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "To Go".
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital, and ask why the poems don't rhyme?
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.
17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won!"
18. When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives! They're loose!"
19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
20. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity . Send this E-mail to someone to make them smile. It 's called ... therapy.

Just the Facts

The difference between government bonds and men is that government bonds mature.

Canadian, Eh?

A man in a Florida supermarket asks to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant tells him that they only sell whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boys says he'll ask his manager about it. Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some jerk wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "and this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half." The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son? "Canada sir," the boy replied. "Well, why did you leave Canada?" the manager asked. The boy said, "sir, there's nothing up there but prostitutes and hockey players." "Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada." "No kidding?" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"

Dumb and Funny Warning Labels On Products

Liquid Plummer Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages.
Windex: Do not spray in eyes.
Toilet Plunger Caution: Do not use near power lines.
Dremel Electric Rotary Tool: This product not intended for use as a dental drill.
Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter: Safe to use around pets.
Bowl Fresh: Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet.
Endust Duster:This product is not defined as flammable by the Consumer Products Safety Commision Regulations. However, this product can be ignited under certain circumstances.
Baby Oil: Keep out of reach of children
Little Ones Baby Lotion: Keep away from children
Hair Coloring: Do not use as an ice cream topping.
Wet-Nap Directions: Tear open packet and use.
Dial Soap Directions: Use like regular soap.
Stridex Foaming Face Wash: May contain foam.
Zantac 75: Do not take if allergic to zantac.
Sleeping Pills Warning: May cause Drowsiness
Christmas Lights Warning: For indoor or outdoor use only.
Bic Lighter: Ignite lighter away from face.
Komatsu Floodlight: This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark
Earplugs: These ear plugs are nontoxic, but may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe
Mattress Warning: Do not attempt to swallow
Matches Caution: Contents may catch fire.
Pepper Spray Caution: Never aim spray at your own eyes.
Auto-Shade Widnshield Visor Warning: Do not drive with sunshade in place. Remove from windshield before starting ignition.
Fix-a-Flat WARNING: Do not weld can to rim.
Rain Gauge: Suitable for outdoor use.
RCA Television Remote Control: Not Dishwasher Safe
Pine Mountain Fire Logs Caution: Risk of fire
Triops Fish Food Warning: Not for human consumption
Home Depot Treated Lumber Do not consume
Hair Dryer Warning: Do not use while sleeping.
Road Sign: Caution water on road during rain.
Camera: This camera will only work when film is inside.
Church Parking Lot Sign: Thou shalt not park
Children's Superman Costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
Silk Soy Milk: Shake well and buy often
Air Conditioner Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows.
Rowenta Iron Warning: Never iron clothes on the body.
Slush Puppy Cup: This ice may be cold
American Airlines Peanuts Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
Nabisco Easy Cheese: For best results, remove cap.
Swanson TV Dinners: This product must be cooked before eating.
Hershey's Almond Bar Warning: May contain traces of nuts
Heinz Ketchup Instructions: Put on food

for more http://www.bored.com/crazywarnings/index.htm

ON YOU *%*# WATER TANK!

Properly insulting your water tank and piping can reduce your energy consumption by 4 to 9 percent.
Sturgeon County, Alberta, water department pamphlet

ON WOW, THE DEALS YOU FIND ONLINE

URBAN FIT JEAN, 100% COTTON, LOW WAIST, ZIP FLY. $50.00
SALE PRICE: $49.99

sale at guess.com

Dave Attell quote

"My gym has two-pound weights. If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym? What's your dream? To pump up and open your mail?"
-Dave Attell

Jon Stewart quote

"After going to to war against the U.N.'s expressed wishes, the U.S. is now admitting it needs the U.N.'s help. It's the geopolitical equivalent of the 2 a.m. phone call every parent dreads: "Mom, I'm not saying I wrecked the car, but I need a ride home"."
-Jon Stewart

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2008 when...

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

Intro to my Blog

Ok so this blog is full of jokes, quotes or facts of life that I think are funny. No serious stuff here ppl. This blog is for those days when you are feeling blue and need a little pick me up or just feel like laughing, after all laughter is the best medicine. I will update as frequently as I can though I can't promise anything, after all, who knows when I am going to find something funny enough to put here ;)

Your comments are welcomed. Enjoy :D