Hello Out There......

Dear Mr Government,
Re: Passports
Dear Mr Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this. How is it that Future Shop has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a cable from them back in 1997, and yet the federal government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.
For crying out loud, do you guys do this by hand? My birth date you have on my social insurance card is on all the income tax form I've filed for the past 30 years, my health insurance card, my driver's license, on the last eight bloody passport I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done at election times.
Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Mary Anne, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!
I apologize, Mr. Minister. I'm really ticked off this morning. Between you and me, I've had enough! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my address. What's going on? You have a gang of Neanderthals workin' there?
Look at my picture. Do I look like bin Ladin? I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for crying out loud. I just want to go and park my butt on a sandy beach. And would someone please tell me, why would you give a darn whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days! If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I'd sure as heck not want to tell anyone!
Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to the other end of the city and get another copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $60! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?? Noooooo, that be too easy, and maybe make sense.
You'd rather have us running around all over the place like chickens with their heads cut off, then find some dingbat to confirm that it's really me on the stupid picture -- you know, the one we were not allowed to smile? Hey, you know why we can't smile? We're ticked off!

Signed -- an Irate Canadian citizen


-The Coffee Mate
Sept 11, 2009

I think we have all been through this

Airline Agent: What can I do for you, sir?

Max: I'd like you to send one of my bags to New York, one to Los Angeles and one to Miami.

Airline Agent: We can't do that

Max: Why not? You did it last week

Just the Facts

One thing a mother would never say: "Well, if your friend's mom says its okay, that good enough for me."


-2009 Page A Day calendar

Dinner

A local priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner. However, he was delayed to the priest decided to save his own view words, while they waited: "I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had also stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his best friend's wife, and take in illicit drugs. I was appalled. But as the days went on, I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to find parish full of good and loving people." Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies for being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and said, "all never forget the first day our parish priest arrived. In fact, I had the honour of being the first person to go to him for confession."
Moral: never, never, NEVER-EVER be late.

-The Coffee Mate, April 10, 2009

Well, if only the solution was that easy

Maurice: Doctor, how do I stop my ears from ringing?

Doctor: Get an unlisted head.


-2009 Page a Day calendar

Quickie

What do you call a bear with no ears?


B




-2009 Page a Day calendar

Cute

Little Billy: During naptime today, my teacher called the police and they took me to the station.

Little Missy: Why did they do that?

Little Billy: Because I was resisting a rest.


-2009 Page a Day calendar